There is a sideboard in the kitchen and the bread bin, cookery book stand, kids junk and the hamster all live nearby. I started to notice that each day there was a strange liquid sitting on this sideboard. It looked rather like orange juice. I cleared it up each time and asked the kids not to spill their drinks. They said they hadn’t. I asked adults if anyone was pouring their drinks there. No one took responsibility. I stood and looked at the ceiling worried about a leak. I stuck my finger in it. I smelt it. I tasted it.

Then one day the hamster was out of it’s little house. It stuffed it’s face with cabbage , then turned around, wedged itself against the bars of its cage and relieved itself out onto the sideboard.

The hamster is now  on an able and gifted  scholarship programme. I am being wormed.